When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
