If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
