I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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