it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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