i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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