The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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