I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
