Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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