Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
