no, he came in my armpit
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
