I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
