i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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