My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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