Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
