and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
