They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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