I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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