the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
