Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
