He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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