vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
