Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
