it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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