I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
