You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You ate ashes out of my bong
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
