dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize