First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
