I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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