i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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