i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
