discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
