You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
