Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
