matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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