Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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