She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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