Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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