my mouth tastes like poor choices
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
