her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
