Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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