Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
