If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
