You can't motorboat a personality
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
