I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
