If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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