drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
