why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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