it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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