White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
