Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
