and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
