glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
