cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
