I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
