grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
