I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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