have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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