you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
