He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
