I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
