yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
